My hubby had our daughter’s cell-phone in hand today & her new boyfriend texted “Hey, WRUD ?” If you don’t know kids texting lingo- it means What are you doing?” (daughter told me, haha) My hubby thought it would be funny to type back “Shaving my pits!” just to see what he would say………………………………..but decided the wrath of…
Tag: Humor
I hate it when #15!
1. Ashton Kutcher has long hair! 2. Other people register for my HGTV Dream home. 3. My hubby is having his man period! 4. I have to clean & put away all the Christmas stuff till next year! 5. Pine needles fall off a my fake Christmas tree everywhere! 6. I need more vacuum bags, but don’t realize…
I LOVE it when #7!
1. A new year begins! 2. Step Brothers movie comes on, funny! 3. I make popcorn perfectly, not to many kernels, yet not burnt! 4. I’m witty! 5. I have a great make up day! 6. Ice, Ice baby comes on the radio! 7. My nail polish doesn’t chip! 8. I find money in my families pockets while doing…
Google earth parents home & this is what I found!
You know you’re at your parents home to much when you Google Earth their home & your car is in their driveway! No shit! I laughed & laughed & laughed some more!!!!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHA..There’s my car, sitting right in their driveway! Not my real photo of google earth.(right)
Logan & Papa
Logan began with “Y’all wish my awesomeness would rub off on you” then papa countered with “No, you wish my intelligence rubs off on you!” its WAR…
Quote of day!
Scenario at Applebee’s : Last bite of burger slider left, Papa offered it to Logan, he refused & said “I don’t want denture cream on it!”
Is this weird?
I woke up, walked in den— to find every comforter in the house, except mine (thankfully) all over the floor. My son had friend spend the night made a huge tent, then it imploded on them, when dog (beagle) jumped on top and then proceeded to urinate on it! So they moved what didn’t get wet, into the living…
“Commonly broken” New Year’s Resolution’s
Image via Wikipedia Lose weight – I will, till I’m offered a donut. Quit Smoking – You’ll try your best, but if someone offers you a drag, you’ll have just one. Sure. Learn Something New – You’ll probably stick to this one, about a day, maybe a new word on a fortune cookie paper. Eat healthier – One week later, you’re in a hurry…
How much do I LOVE Disney—————THIS MUCH!
You know you LOVE Disney a lot, when you’re vacuuming your sofa with upholstery tools and instead of finding the usual half chewed pretzel, penny (never a quarter) or popcorn, your vacuum sucks up one yellow, mickey mouse sock with animal fur stuck to it. Now if I can only find the mate, Umm, maybe the chair cushion! LOL… Related articles Top Five Walt…
Xbox live “Quote of the day”
” Sweet, I killed a cow, I killed a cow, (on game) I shot an arrow up in the air & it fell down & hit a cow!” Logan 12
Mannequin @ JcPenney
My son accidentally bumped in a mannequin @ Jcpenney’s Store & my daughter told him that’s the closest you’ll ever be to a girl! Ahh, sibling LOVE, there’s nothing like it! My son’s mannequin did not look like this one.
This is the scenario ” We’re all in the car!”
My son said to his sister “I wonder what’s running through our parents minds right now?” then he said probably nothing,HAHAHAHA rather obnoxiously. Then my hubby said “Boy you’d be scared if you knew!” HAHAHAHA more obnoxiously!!!!!!! funny parent (car) moment.
My funny hubby
My hubby sat on the toilet & said “Man this toilet is low, Am I in Elf Land!”
I hate it when #14 “Christmas Edition”
1. People forget the reason for the season, Jesus’ birthday! Happy Birthday Jesus:)) 2. People say Happy Holidays in place of “Merry Christmas!” 3. Teachers tell kids there’s no SANTA. 4. My dad gets admitted to hospital right before Christmas, but thankfully (GOD is great) got out literally right before. 5. Santa at local mall looks drunk & pissed…
“Thank You” for The Versatile Blogger Award
The Versatile Blogger I was nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by a fellow blogger randomreasoning. I’d like to give a GIANT thank you from the bottom of my heart for the nomination & for suffering through my crazy posts! I enjoy blogging very much and its great to know that others enjoy my random, borderline Schizo blog entries, it’s very exciting to me….
Quote of the day!
“No, don’t kill the donkey!” my son said this, while playing XBOX live. Logan 12
Naughty or Nice?
I said a few unsavory words, under my breath & maybe to her face, about a lady who cut in front of me–NAUGHTY I let a few cars drive in front of me at the mall–NICE I used great restraint in store when Wal-Mart had no employees opening up there locked game cabinets–NICE & a little NAUGHTY…
My son, wet towel & his trumpet!
I asked my son to bring me a towel for my shower & he walks in my room with a trumpet in one hand & rips his wet towel off, now naked & said “Here, it’s the only towel!” I said “Logan cover yourself back up & get the towels from the dryer.” He walked back…
Deceased “Arnold the Armadillo!”
Talking about my dad’s opossum has brought back fond memories of “Arnold the Armadillo.” My daughter & I first saw him dead on the side of the road, then everyday for at least 3 weeks, there he was –still dead— of course I didn’t expect him to rise from the ashes and fly away, silly goose its a…
****BREAKING NEWS***Update (in red)—— to Paw Paw’s Opossum story!
My dad had an albino opossum visiting his home on a regular basis, he would leave food out, watch for him & before we knew it, this blossoming opossum friendship had turned into part of the family. On our last trip to Hot Springs two weeks ago, my dad was telling me all about my…
Hong Kong City!
My hubby was trying to get my son to eat squid tonight, he licked it & ate a few tentacles then realized it wasn’t that great & the attention had worn off him eating it, so we had the rest of the squid taken away, out of my sight! Then were trying to leave & he was…
Has this ever happened to you?
Got in the shower with socks still on your feet? Gee, I have lots on my mind, I’ve done some pretty STUPID things before, but soggy socks hasn’t been one of them!
Stay Away–Tip’s for surviving the weekend before Christmas!
1. Stay away from the frantic looking woman with kids! You’ll be sorry… 2. Stay away from the one weird guy by himself, there’s a reason he’s by himself, do not make eye contact either! 3. Stay away from all parking lots, catastrophe’s waiting to happen, but if you dare, watch the way other’s park,…
Quote of the day!
“What was freaking that?” my daughter said to her brother “You didn’t even use soap, you just wet you’re hands & dried them, that’s not washing your hands!” Peyton 14
Quote of the day!
I was telling my son to hush, I was trying to concentrate on something and he said “Momma, don’t be Peyton (his sister) be NICE!” Logan 12
Finger or Carrot?
My daughter said “Momma did you know that you can bite off your finger as easily as you can bite a carrot? But your brain is like “No, don’t eat your finger.” So that’s why you can’t. This was our nightly conversation! Enlightening….. I really don’t want either!!
Funny me!
I really get a kick out of myself! Sometimes I just laugh & laugh & laugh some more. Because something just pops in my head, that I find hilarious. I do get strange looks when it happens while out in public, but I’m use to it…..
Just a singin’
So I was just singing along to Wham’s “Last Christmas” and I started singing the wrong words then my daughter said “Normally when someone messes up on part of the song they realize it & stop singing it, but you finished the whole thing!” I said, I was enjoying my singing…..and I suckkkk. George Michael’s outfit looks…
My son’s cut!
My son Logan has a little cut on the bottom of his face in the shape of a question mark. I said “The shape of it is odd”, he said “It’s because I’m a mystery!” I just laughed, that boy can come up with some whoppers.
I hate it when #13
1. I just woke up in the morning & I’m still tired. 2. My dog barks in middle of night & won’t stop. 3. Someone said they’ve called you & there is no record of the call & they give you the impression, you’re lying. 4. My hubby puts a dirty dish in the sink, knowing we…
Was this weird?
As if doing the yard wasn’t fun enough (sarcasm), I must have made my parents rose-bush mad, because it caught me by my shirt today & pulled me back, while scratching me. I said to it: really, what have I ever done to you? Was it weird for me to look at it crossways & ask it a question? I…
Quote of the day!
Playing golf without gambling is nothing more than walking in a park with a bunch of men! Hubby 38
I LOVE it when #6
1. When I get in my car & my favorite song comes on the radio. 2. I don’t have any chores to do that day, rare. 3. I see a mall Santa that looks real (spoiler alert)! 4. My coffee tastes great in the morning. 5. My kids are at school. 6. My kids come home…
Quote of the day!
If you’re trying to dance but you look more like your playing hopscotch, you’re doing something wrong! Braxton Values
I thought it was the short line!
Do you have this problem also? I meticulously pick my checkout line at every store. I always get the one that appears the shortest, but it never fails, even if it’s just one person in line, it’s the one idiot who trying to return something in the checkout line, does this person really not know about the stores RETURN area…
Packaging, these days
Dang, it’s easier to get the top of a child-proof Tylenol bottle than cellophane off a new CD, it took me forever!
Carpooling & Orange cones
Everyday I drop off & pick up my child at school. They have large, bright orange cones set out in a special pattern for carpoolers’ to follow (so us ding-dong, mothers in the giant vehicles, don’t hit a kid) doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. But somehow every single day, the orange cones are spread…
I hate it when #5
1.) Your bra get twisted inside the washing machine & you can’t untwist it. 2.) Little People Big World series went off air. 3.) I have a knot in my shoes laces. 4.) and my kids have knots in both theirs. 5.) I enjoy Jerseylicious. 6.) I pull up at Dairy Queen & they’re out of ALL combo’s (no lie). I was thinking…
7 Wonders of Ridiculousness!
The 7 Medieval Wonders of the world should include MOTHERS? Its Ridiculousness, they didn’t! 1. Can The Great Wall of China while driving, reach its arm under the 3rd row back seat & over a screaming child to find their babies lost, favorite binky. Ridiculousness 2. Could the Colosseum put up with the amount of sibling warfare or pure drama our kids bring us, on a regular basis. Ridiculousness 3….
I hate it when #4
When someone spits a wad of toothpaste in just cleaned bathroom sink. At a fast food restaurant, I pay for Super size fries and only receive half. I drop a whole roll of toilet tissue in the toilet, and its my last one. My hubby tells me how to drive & he’s had more traffic…
When hubby is asleep, the wife will play!
My hubby falls asleep hours before me every evening. So I usually get plenty of quality ME time. Some evenings it’s like I’m having my very own slumber party in our room, all centered around my sleeping hubby in our bed. Don’t worry this isn’t a freaky kind of story, he wishes. He doesn’t realize it, but after he’s fallen…
Politically correct, to the EXTREME!
Don’t you feel this world is becoming to politically correct? What happened to our first amendment right, freedom of speech, our own speech. You constantly have to watch what you say, as not to offend. Its more than just speech, its filtering down to our children in other forms and really making them a bunch of pansies. Kids…
Price increase again!
On stamps, I didn’t know anyone still used them! Stone age……. That reminds me, remember green stamps? Talk about stone age! I miss my green stamp store & TG&Y stores. #reminiscing
Calgon take mommy away #1!
It’s hard to be a mommy sometimes, it doesn’t matter what age your kids are, it doesn’t get easier. No one ever tells you this, not your mom, grandma or even your neighbor. Books aren’t much help either, they make it sound as if raising kids is a joy, pleasure, even at times easy, like…
I hate it when #2
I accidently break something and still have to clean it up. I run into my garage wall with my car. When you gotta go number 2 and your traveling in the Mojave desert section of Route 66. Someone puts the shredded cheese bag with literally two pieces of cheese, back in the fridge. Same goes for the pantry, 3 half broken chips left…
I hate it when #1
I sit down and my thighs double in size I let someone walk in front of my car at the grocery store and they don’t wave or mouth “thank you” I spill coffee all the way down the hall when walking with it I straighten my hair just right, and it starts raining (girls, you feel me)…
Hawaii & WDW
This February my family is traveling to Disney’s Aulani Resort in Oahu, Hawaii. It will be our first trip to the beautiful island, and were thrilled. Also in March (Spring Break) I will be taking the kids on our first WDW trip without my hubby, so that should be interesting. We will be staying at the…
Sasquatch
My mother Christina 65 & daughter Peyton 14 were carrying on a very important conversation, while riding in my car tonight. It went something like this “No meme, sasquatches are lazy people that live in the woods, I hate lazy people!” and my mother actually replied “Leave sasquatches alone, they didn’t do anything wrong!” and the sad thing is,…
Travel, Family & Fun rolled into one! 