I told my kids, I’ll make it easy for y’all, when I’m dead just burn me & split my ashes between the two of you. Then my daughter said “Yeah I’d probably end up with your butt” I replied No, I’ll give you one cheek & your brother the other! HAhahahahaha
Category: Family Funnies
Topless barber shop
My hubby told my parents (his in laws) that he should open up a topless barbershop with real topless women. They laughed & then my hubby said you know it’s like a lap dance for your hair! Hahaha…
Daddy’s Payback!
Example of how crazy my life is: my daughter takes things & puts them anywhere & everywhere but the place they belong! So my hubby thought he would make sure she remembered this moment–by leaving his nicely trimmed toenails on her makeup table with this note to possibly teach her a lesson! He wanted to…
Dallas+Me+Kids+Grandparents+T.V.=Tooth?
Well, well, well, it has been a very interesting day to say the least. Here’s the visual: On our way to the “Big D”, just 10 minutes into the trip! I’m driving with my mom as my co-pilot & a large bag of candy in between us, Papa & Peyton in second row & my…
Pimp Turtle
I said “Oh no, Logan come quick — your turtle is eating a spider!” He ran in room looked at “Squirt” & replied “It’s because he’s pimp!” Related articles Ziplining Turtle (dawnsdorkydiary.wordpress.com) Turtle Aquarium & Pee pee (dawnsdorkydiary.wordpress.com) Turtle food + vacuum = sock (dawnsdorkydiary.wordpress.com)
My Son or Cherry Pies?
I ran in my parents home to retrieve my son while hubby waited in his truck! I came out of the house with two cherry pies & my hubby said “You went in for our son and came out with pies, good trade!” & we gave each other dap! Hahe
AX–two toed Tommy!
While doing yard work today–my son asked for the ax, I replied “I don’t think sooooo” he said “Come on, I already have guns (shotguns in locked gun cabinet)–what could I possibly hurt?” My hubby replied “AX– two toed Tommy that question!!!!! HEHEHE, so funny..
Sucker stick+popsicle stick + bloody bandaid =
Boy’s sleepover! All of these items found on the floor of my den, GROSS!
What does a cat & a boat have in common?
My hubby and I were pulling our boat down our subdivision the other day and a stranger pulled up next to us. Driving next to one another we unrolled our window’s & the stranger asked did we have a black cat, we said no—-WHY? She said one just jumped out of your boat! That’s what…
Embarrassing!
My hubby in store, tired & holding my purse! It doesn’t happen often usually he refuses, I caught him off guard….HAHAHAHA! I think the purse really brings out his eyes..If only his basketball buddies could see him now, JEALOUS…HAHAHAHAHA
L is for Loser
Even sick, my two kiddos find a way to annoy one another & ME. While taking my son’s temperature he looked at the thermometer & said “What’s the 7 mean?” I said its a L, not a 7. He said whats the L stand for & before I could answer, my daughter yells out “LOSER” it stands for…
SICK “Quote of the day”
“A family that’s sick together, sticks together!” My mother
Ziplining Turtle
My hubby was driving to the golf course & on his way he noticed a sweet turtle- a little late though, well actually way too late–it was under his tire kinda LATE. Before he knew it, he nipped the corner of the turtle’s shell with such force, it catapulted the sweet turtle thru the air & into the woods….
Turtle Aquarium & Pee pee
This morning my hubby walked in our room & said “I’m surprised Logan hasn’t peed in his bed from the noise of the running water from his turtle aquarium!” I stated “I love the noise sounds like a waterfall, it would help me go to sleep.” my hubby said ” Ha, maybe we should move…
London or Dallas
Picture this, we’re driving in Dallas! I’m lost on my way to Baylor Medical Center & in a hurry, due to my sis having her baby early. I’m usually good with directions but this trip I was just off, missed the mark, geographically impaired, just not with it. I was listening to my iPhone directions also my…
Turtle food + vacuum = sock
My son sometimes throws item’s he doesn’t feel like putting in there rightful place inside his dresser drawer. While looking for a calculator, it’s the first place I chose to look. Instead of a calculator, I found marbles, paint-ball gun, cards, cd’s, batteries & last but not least turtle food which smells funny & by…
Is this weird?
This alarmed me when going through son’s backpack! Found a patch of animal fur from a rabbit, I think. Is this weird?
Wally World + Kids = Migraine
My family was at Wally World in the check out line & my kids were rambling on making fun of one another, normal day out. Only one lady in front of us with a few items & we just had one, a reptile aquarium starter set for my son’s new turtle “Squirt”. Well the lady…
Poop & Home Depot
I’m shopping with my family at Home Depot, while enjoying the lumber aisle (NOT) I ran over something brown & mushy that stuck to my buggy tire. It took me a second to realize that it was POOP! Probably because you don’t normally see shit on the floor at a store, maybe at the Circus or the Zoo. Every few steps there it was,…
“WATCH OUT!” I told my daughter–
when I’m old & ornery like your papa (always demanding things “Turn off the air.”, ” Get me a sandwich!”), I will act just the same! she replied “You already act like that–NOW!”
Logan’s quote of the day!
While being served a plate of Hamburger & French fries, my son said “I wish for two things in life, that bad food was healthy for you & that the more you eat the more weight you lose!” My twelve year old’s life philosophy, sounds GREAT to me!
All gone!
I walked past this almost empty cake dish today and did a double take as to nothing but crumbs were left, scavengers!
You know your co-worker is a redneck when!
My hubby showed a co-worker this picture of his latest catch, from fishing recently with our son. In the background of the picture you’ll see a large orange tractor — hubby said “See what I got me, yesterday?” & the co-worker replied “Is that your tractor, man?” Totally ignored the big fish…..
Is this WEIRD?
When I was wee little girl (or teenager), I would lick Doritos & put them back in the bags for my siblings to unknowly eat! HAHAHA, LOL………..Really, I’m so gross….Sorry A.J. & Jenni, How did they taste—SWEETER I’m sure, HA
KIds had fun at first!
Had a blast catching one fish after another till it was time to decide if we were eating them or releasing them, son wanted to eat them, daughter wanted to release them after WW3 broke out, daughter prevailed– we released them….with tears & prayers!! An great moment turned very ugly, very fast! My crazy life… I baited the…
Thank God fingernail clippings & NOT toenail clippings!
My mother walked up to my father and said “Thank you so much for leaving the three fingernail clipping on the dresser for me, It’s gross! The only thing more gross— if they were toenail clippings!” Ahh my parents, soooo funny.
You know your neighbor’s a redneck when:
He’s mowing his yard in the dark with a flashlight! Its true….just happened this evening…a few streets over but neighbor none the less….
I’m NO hula dancer!
Watching with family “Anthony Bourdain’s/Hawaii” and I said “Wow, how do they move their arms in so many places, it looks like their double jointed.” then I tried to move my arms like the beautiful hula dancers, and my hubby & children both said “You look like a bird.” I replied “Awesome, a bird is graceful” My…
Halloween Night Costumes:
My kiddos could not have been more opposite if they tried for Halloween: My daughter Peyton was PRINCESS KATE & my son a HOT DOG! P.S. THIS IS NOT MY SON, BUT THIS IS HOW COSTUME LOOKED!
They call me “Ronnie!”
In the evening, I’m usually reading, writing or watching T.V. I have many fav’s: Golden girls DVD collection, Jefferson’s on DVR, Deadliest Catch (RIP Phil Harris), Hillbilly Hand Fishin'(really), IRT deadliest roads, Swamp people (“Choot Em Liz”), Mythbusters, Storage Wars(“Yeppp”), DOG, the bounty hunter, Hoarders, Whale Wars (Bob Barker) & last but surely not least, Ice Road Truckers (Lisa, you rock), etc. Do…
On the trail again
My hubby & I usually go mountain biking on really awesome trails for our area, tonight the kids are going with us, so here it goes, we’ll see if they can hang with the old folks… I will take some pics. Well only one could hang, my son loved it and my daughter hated it….
Born to be stubborn!
I’ve loved adventure ever since I can remember, I guess you could say I’m a MacGyver of sorts. I was a young child when my mom said “Now Dawn, don’t touch the stove, its very hot, you’ll burn your yourself.” I was a rebel without a cause, a maverick, a fearless four years old bursting to break free with my jovial footsies bouncing on the kitchen…
Pretty painted toenails!
I was bored one evening, me and bored aren’t a good combination. My hubby was asleep as usual, and I wide awake as usual, it was around midnight when I got a clever idea. Let me back track for a moment, my hubby would sleep through a tornado, fall asleep sitting up– like he did while in…
Pie in face!
Have you ever wanted to throw a pie in someones face, you know like in the movies, or old comedy skits. Well one day while my dear, sweet hubby was working hard mowing the lawn, I decided that today was the day, cease the opportunity, right! I grabbed a pie from the freezer and waited patiently behind…
Travel, Family & Fun rolled into one! 